Connections

 

     Every time I look at my wristwatch I think of my father. He wasn’t obsessed with time although he hated to be late for anything. He didn’t own a Rolex or an Omega. It was a Citizens Eco Drive. I remember going to visit Dad in Erie when he lived at The Regency. He had a one bedroom apartment so I would sleep on the couch in the living room. Dad would put his watch in the kitchen under the light to charge it up overnight. He insisted that I keep the light on but when he went to bed I turned it off. I couldn’t sleep with that kitchen light shining in my face. After Dad passed, my sisters and I divided up the small things that were left in the apartment and I took the watch.

     We all have things in our household that we use or display that are constant reminders of loved ones from the past. I’m not talking about photographs (I addressed iconic photos in a previous post) but everyday items like a kitchen tool or dish, a piece of furniture, a piece of art, or perhaps a book. 

    

Baking dish from Aunt Ruth

     My watch reminds me of my father but we have a ceramic baking dish that was used to bake countless apple kugels and cheese kugels.  It was given to us as an engagement gift from our dear Aunt Ruth. Perhaps the love she emitted was the secret for the tastiness of those delicacies. 

     Speaking of Aunt Ruth, my cousin Judy Ringold related this story.

Bedspread on Judy's bed

 “Aunt Ruth always wanted an apartment with a bedroom. She had lived in a studio apartment her entire life. The last 30 years at the Dorchester on Rittenhouse Square. Everyone loved visiting Ruth in her studio apartment because it was so cheerful and full of love. But she spoke for years about how she could possibly move into a 1 bedroom apartment at the Dorchester or elsewhere. She wouldn't have to pull out her sofa bed or her Murphy bed and could entertain her friends and family whenever she wanted in another room. When Aunt Ruth had a medical emergency she moved into The WaterMark Senior Residences. The best thing about this place was that she finally had a 1 bedroom apartment with a view overlooking the City. That one bedroom was the fulfillment of a lifetime dream ( at 88 years!). To celebrate she wanted to purchase a new BED, and a Bedroom set picked out from Raymour and Flannigan. Then she spent hours and days looking at Macy’s Bedspreads online to find just the right one. She finally picked one out - a beautiful white bedspread with blue and lavender spring flowers sprinkled on it with matching pillows. When it arrived, her caregiver, Sylvia, set it up. Aunt Ruth loved it and would go into her bedroom repeatedly to look at it. After she died, I brought it home and use it on our bed now. Even Greg likes it. I gave away the new one that I had just bought and loved this one - even more because it was Aunt Ruth’s.” 

     Aunt Ruth herself had an antique pedal powered singer sewing machine complete in its cabinet on display in her apartment. It had belonged to her parents who were both quite adept at using it. Some of the drawers in the cabinet still contained the small parts and accessories for the sewing machine.

     As long as we are talking about sewing machines, my second cousin Barbara Richman (her grandmother, Rivela and my grandmother, Rachel were Pasternak sisters) sent me this story about a similar pedal type sewing machine.

Barbara's sewing machine

 “My Bubie, Rivela (the second-oldest of the Pasternak siblings), was a seamstress as a young woman. Her Singer sewing machine followed her from the "old neighborhood" in Toronto all the way to her apartment near Bathurst and Sheppard. My mom, sister, and I spent every summer in Toronto (dad would come up for two weeks to see the family). When I was in elementary school, I would sit under the machine and work the treadle as Bubie sewed. When I was in middle school, just before we returned to the States to go back to school, Bubie would take a look at me, get some fabric, sit down at the sewing machine, and quickly make me something to wear to school that coming year. Miraculously, whatever she made always fit perfectly. My two favorite pieces of clothing -- and I still remember them -- were a plaid pleated skirt and, probably my most favorite, a dark grey wool jumper with a v-neck and two perfectly sized pockets. I was thrilled when my mom gifted the sewing machine to me after Bubie died. My husband, Charlie, used the Singer to make the curtains for our older daughter's room (she is Bec, named for Rivela (Rebecca)). The sewing machine now graces our foyer at our home in Maryland. When I was designing my tallis, I wanted to be sure to have something from Bubie on it. I opened the sewing machine's drawers and found material from one of her "simcha dresses" -- what she wore to weddings. That brown material is sewn onto two corners of my tallis. When I gather the corners together for the Shema, I have a snippet of Bubie's dress to remind me of her, to remind me of the generations that came before, and of Rivela's love of family.” 

Royal Albert China "Pettipoint"

Barbara and I have a mutual second cousin in Deb Cary.  Deb’s grandfather, Carl Pasternak was a brother to both Rivela and Rachel.  Deb’s parents, Esther and Mort received a set of fine China for their wedding from Esther's father Carl.  The dishes were used at holiday meals and special occasions when Deb was younger and still living at home.  Due to circumstances that I wish not to divulge, the dishes were not destined to be in Deb’s possession but her father knew how important they were to Deb and he clandestinely smuggled them into her household.   Every time she uses them she is reminded of her Papa Carl as he was lovingly referred to.

Spinner

     Our son, Philip has many things in his condo that fortify his connection to his ancestors, He has an ink blot card with a pinup girl on it that was a giveaway from Levine Bros. Auto Parts owned by Phil’s grandfather, Moe and his brother Sam. He also has a green and gold afghan that his grandmother, Minnie crocheted and helps keep him warm during the cold Pennsylvania winters. Is it the afghan or her loving arms that warm him up? He also has a little toy that sat on Moe’s coffee table. It is a simple thing, just a piece of wood with two spinners on it. Each of the spinners have 3 arms and the magnet in the ends of those arms keep the spinners for an inordinate amount of time. Those spinners got a workout every time we visited. 

     My first cousin Rob Levine had inherited much of the artwork that hung on his parents’ walls. This is what he had to say about them. 

"My parents loved their art and passed that love on to me. Not sure if they did that by way of DNA or just growing up seeing how much it meant to them. Nature/ nurture? Regardless, my walls are full of their paintings and things I have collected and created on my own. It all makes me love and appreciate them a little more every day. The painting of the old Rabbi is just about my favorite painting in the world. Not because it’s such a technical masterpiece (although I do think it’s very well done). More because it’s one of my earliest memories. It is the first work of art my parents bought together. It hung prominently on their wall long before I became a prominent pain in their patooties. Now it helps keep me connected to those amazing days when everything was possible and the world was full of wonder."

       We used to go to my parents’ house for the Passover Seders every year. My mother used to put out small glass plates that we would pour the salt water into for the dipping of the greens. Arlene took ownership of these plates, and now, by using them in our own seders we include my mother in our service.

   

Rochelle Plate

      Sometimes the item doesn’t even need to be inherited or once owned by the person you are

 remembering. Arlene bought this little plate, brought it home, and displayed it on a shelf in the living room. When I came home from work and saw it I exclaimed “It reminds me of your sister.” “That is why I bought it” Arlene replied. 

Molly's precious photo

     Arlene’s sister, Rochelle died in 2001. Our daughter, Molly, who was 10 years old when Rochelle died, had a great relationship with her aunt. One year in elementary school the kids were to bring in something that was precious to them for show and tell. Most of the kids brought in stuffed animals, toys, or a favorite piece of clothing. Molly brought in the picture of her and Rochelle snuggling under a blanket. That picture still owns a prominent spot in Molly’s house.

    

     Will any of our kids, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. want something to remember us by? I’m sure that we have pieces of jewelry, or some collectables in our possession that somebody will want. Will taking a bike ride cause somebody to think about a ride they may have enjoyed with me? Can a trip to a flea market or a yard sale make somebody take pause and wish that Arlene was by their side? Who knows? Everybody should own something that is a connection to their past to remind themselves from whence they came.